Questioned Existence??

“Aye babu, ek rupiya de do nah, ba-hut bhook lagi hai”. (Sir give me some money, I am really hungry), While I was busy reading the train schedule at the platform, these words fell into my ears to break my concentration. I turned around to find a lame beggar leaning on a wooden shaft. He seemed to have given his a go by to a bath for months. His unkempt hair, dark and dirty face, torn and tattered clothes spoke volumes about his misfortune and amidst which an innocent smile lit up his face, a complete metaphor. A closer look revealed that he not only was lame but also had lost an arm and that only one which helped him to beg for his existence. As I kept staring at him, he continued tugging my trouser and kept repeating those lines.

For the next few seconds my mind was completely blank, as if my senses had stopped functioning, the hullabaloo around me didn’t seem to affect my existence then and that I had almost forgotten about my next step.

His failure to fish out something from me compelled him to shake me harder and that I got back to this world with a big jolt. Immediately and hurriedly I took out a five-rupee coin and kept it in a small bowl on his lap. Mechanically he smiled at me (that seemed a contended one) and moved ahead to find the next alms giver and was gradually lost amidst the crowd. But my eyes continued to follow him till he disappeared and that several thoughts began to play in my mind while I was walking carelessly in the platform. Why exist an inequality when the creator is the same? We keep cribbing about what we do not posses but fail to thank for what we have but this poor soul who has been denied the basic things in life has smilingly accepted it and that continues to do so.

As my mind was interplaying with such thoughts, I heard a hustle-bustle at a distant corner. Soon my eyes caught upon a pathetic sight ~ the poor, feeble tramp was being beaten black and blue by the policemen on the platform. The helpless creature kept lamenting in pain but no one came to his rescue. Instead some had gathered around them to watch the heinous scene, while the others didn't even bother to take a notice. In the mean while my train had arrived and I was lucky enough to make myself comfortable on one of the seats. I am skeptical about the fate of that vulnerable character but my brain kept hovering over the fact "Are we here just because we have to be? Was he actually leading a life, if at all we can call it a life…"

The Busy Bees...

Well, that was another cup of coffee that found place in my tummy. A monitor is glaring at me and I am its undisputed master, hands keep juggling between the keyboard and the mouse. Eyes do try to take a sneak peek of the surrounding to return to its usual place without finding much to feel too good about anything. No wonder why it is said “ What’s there in the look unless it is returned”?

Right at the bottom is time ticking away and informs me that it is 4:12 pm. Another 2 hours and 18 minutes to go (mind you, the time remaining has not been mentioned in just lose terms, that’s very much precise and adhered to). The environment around me is calm, no talking and murmuring. Let alone finding people standing on someone else’s cubicle, to discuss something as trivial as work or something as crucial as the batting by the Indian team in the match last evening. Otherwise you find all glued to their machines (no matter what they are doing), that too if one is not good enough, then there those who are making the best of their extended desktop. No clue how it aids, well that’s really not our area of concern.

We survive an era where technology rules us and we happen to be mere puppets in its hand. The ambition to stand out as a winner of this rat race has compelled us to stretch ourselves more than required and no question why companies offer laptops to their employees so that they can extract the most out of them. I too happen to be a slave of this master called technology but then I refused to accept its bossing at home thus declined the offer of possessing a laptop. I marvel what you must be thinking about me? Such a workaholic place with an equally serious ambience, with me as the only useless soul scribbling this piece of gibberish at the peak hours. Yes! I am probably the most useless individual here now, but then I can only refine the reason mentioned here.

Actually people working in the software industry are identified with cribbing and nagging about the amount of the work they have to deal with. Although it’s a white collared job but it’s a ‘black and white’ world that’s frustrating and boring. And as we know that the word of mouth navigates faster than the wind to popularise any negative beliefs thus who so ever enters this globe comes with a preconceived notion and a phobia to find that the ultimate truth is far away from reality.
On one hand there are those who toil at their respective work places till the dead hour of the night while on the other are those who spend idle hours with their machines to be billed to the client for the day. Why does this piece of information never evaporates from these small cubicles much like the other part of the story?

I believe life here is a project driven vehicle that depends largely on the geography of the client. It gives you the jump-start with the best of technologies, salaries followed by hikes and perks at the cost of time and compromises. But then that is what life is, is it not?

Let's Move On . . .

There exists a plethora of confusion in the air. Talking about something that haunts you all the time… and you actually don’t even know or understand that what is it all about? I am still trying to figure out that what actually it is or rather how exactly it should be?

They say life is all about moving on from where you were, leaving your forgettable past at a place where you never have to encounter it again. But what actually is the idea behind ‘moving on’? How would one be able to tell if he has moved on?

There can be different aspect to it. Making a new start after you being adjudged a failure in something, a big success of a project, an employee being fired by his employer or anything of that sort – these are just few simple examples or instances after which, we move on to another thing. It’s quite simple. Be it a success or a failure, we all need to leave that behind to move ahead with life. Of course, one can always learn or keep the flavor with him or just leave it aside thinking everyday is a new day.

The real problem comes into picture, when we talk about a relationship. Moving on from an unsuccessful relation is not as easy as moving on after losing your job. There is something that always haunts you – Memories, Past, Experiences, Moments and many more. These are the things that are not in one’s control and that make it all the more interesting and difficult.

There again exists two parts: something that you want to forget and something that you actually never want to, in spite of all the odd things associated with that. The first part is nothing but the materialistic view. You tend to forget all those things that actually remind you of somebody. That’s quite easy. Problem is with the second part where emotion of an individual has got more to do with it. We need to ask this question that, just by saying a NO or YES, the essence of the relationship vanishes? Is it possible that one impulsive decision can change the way you look at the world around you? Practically it’s not but actually it is. It’s not about one person being right or wrong.

What if one partner has moved on and the other is still standing at the door with all his hopes? What if somebody is able to realize mistakes and now want to make a conscious effort to bring things on track? What if the absence of one individual is making hell lot of difference in the other’s life? Should he/she be given one more chance in all the above scenarios? The answers would be definitely subjective in nature. There will be a logical mind playing at the side.

I have witnessed quite a few cases like this, where the person hasn’t got second chance to prove his worth. I have actually seen those decisions making their life miserable. What we say to this is, he/she needs to move on. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! Just because somebody is not ready to understand the difference between the present and the past, one doesn’t need to do something which is against his inner desires. Desire might be an understatement in some cases. All theses sort of things go on when you’re in that kind of situation……….. But later on, as the time progresses and as you start understanding the logical part of all the illogical things, you realize that you’re just too good to allow yourself to be treated by somebody. And that is when everything would start making sense and you get to know that you have learnt, may be the harder way… But, yes you have….


....You learn that you really can endure

That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn,
and learn…
With every goodbye, you learn.

Nonsense Again

What we feel, what we think and what we actually do – there is significant difference in all the three cases. It can be taken as a kind of hierarchy with ‘feel’ at the topmost position which is more or less free from external disturbance to a good extent. This can be an eternal bliss if goes well or can go equally worst otherwise. It is an outcome of lot of things happening inside you and something that comes out as your emotions. You can feel good, bad or neutral – depending upon what is going in and around you. Since your feelings are dependent mostly on what you are going through and the surrounding you are living in, the chance of making it artificial goes for begging. There is nothing like right or wrong – it is because you cannot reason out why you are feeling this way and hence, you cannot manipulate to your inner self.

Feel is something that is probably the purest form of all the three. The intensity of feeling further categorizes into different levels. An extreme feeling turns out to be a desire, passion or a strong need. It’s a state wherein, an individual gives up all logics and become adamant. It can lead to tremendous success or can lead to downfall otherwise. It’s good to have a desire, but equally important to have a check on it to move into the direction which you have actually wanted to.

Thinking, on the other hand, is a manipulated form of feeling. There is no limit on your thinking; you can think whatever you wish to. You can add spice for the sake of bringing out what you want to. Sometimes, thinking and feeling exists in kind overlapping manner. You tend to go on thinking about something if you have a very strong feeling for the same. Sometimes things do not go well as per our expectation, and we suggest them to move on and stop thinking about it. When we ask to stop thinking that, essentially means to keep a check on whatever feeling you have or had for that thing. Once you are able to do so, you’ll gradually stop thinking about it. The idea is to control (not manipulate) your feelings and not thinking. As I have already mentioned, you can manipulate your thinking but not feeling.

Now we start doing the reasoning. Lot of ifs’ and buts’ come into play when we actually have to do something. Our rationale mind comes into action to decide the most logical and best way of doing or going about a particular action. We do, what we see is good and best can be done with the given time and resources. We manipulate things to suit our requirement. I do not really have to talk much about this part.
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Cont....(not sure when)

A moronic post

Here I am with an effort to bring out my frustration here. Don't know really how much it'll help my cause. But one thing is for sure, that it wont come back either and hit you hard. Somewhere (don't know where), I get a feeling that I may not have those creatures who can listen to all my bull-shit thoughts and allow me to let my heart open.
After having a deep thought ( for around 5 min), I decided to come up with this moronic thing. And again I am confused what would be the next thing to add here when I come online next time. I'm sure, that also would be something related to frustration only. Well, that is something that I'll think later.
I was on the road today evening at around 7 PM. I was like lost somewhere. I wanted to go to some decent place where I can sit and do a bit of shopping. But to my utter surprise, I could not find my way. That 20-25 min duration was like a mirror image of what I am going through these days. Each single step was taking me one step back rather than taking me where I had planned to go. This is nothing, but probably a guilt of having not done something which I could or should have. This constant feeling is letting me feel demean and on top of that, it relates to other things that either I wanna avoid or forget.
Fuck.... I am off now...